Saturday, August 30, 2014

Food Opera (Part 2)

Chapter 4

Heather opens the fridge.


Heather closes the fridge.


Heather opens the fridge.


Heather closes the fridge.


Heather opens the fridge.


Heather closes the fridge.


Chapter 5


Chapter 6

The Chuggaluggalicious™ Ice Cream is gone.


Heather starts arguing with her "mom".


Chapter 7









Chapter 8

The sofa eats Heather.









THE END.


On a completely unrelated note, does anyone need a Costco-sized bag of chia seeds?

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Food Opera (Part 1)

Chapter 1

Heather slams the door behind her.

"From now on, I'm eating healthy!" she says.


The sofa says nothing.

The coffee table says nothing.

The bookcase says nothing.
 

 The lamp says, 
 


Chapter 2

Heather buys healthy food.
 

It costs more than a car.

Heather says, 
 

The furniture looks ominously on.



The lamp says nothing.


Chapter 3

 Heather spends hours preparing healthy food.


It tastes like deer barf.

Heather drinks it all.

 
She celebrates with a quart of Chuggaluggalicious™ Ice Cream.


TO BE CONTINUED!!


Oh man!  What a cliffhanger!

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Classy Wonder Woman

I wanted to get this posted by the Fourth of July; but it ended up taking a little longer.  On the other hand, it's never too late to post a Wonder Woman fanart, amiright?


I could've drawn her in that sissy swimsuit thingy...but that sissy cardigan thingy is much cuter.


I spent hours on her invisible jet there in the background.  HOURS

Monday, June 16, 2014

Train Stories

Things have been kind of crazy lately.

A lot of that has been due to "Illusionarium," the book I've been working on these past few years.  It's nearing the end stages of development.


It's about some kids who get the holy tar beaten out of them....the way a good, decent, God-fearing children's book ought to be.  It should be out in a year or so.

(I know that's forever away.  I'm a slow writer.)

A lot of the writing I do takes place on the train.  Since I have to commute into the city for my day job, I get up really early--about 4 am--hop on the first train, and ride it to Ogden, then to Provo, then back to Salt Lake.  


When I get off from work, I ride it from endline to endline again, typing the whole time.  It's pretty much become my second home.


In fact, I've gotten to know all the little secrets.

For example, the train has 3 really nice, new cars--


...And one really old, horrible, creaky, leaky car affectionately called the "Cattle Car."


No one ever rides the Cattle Car....except me.


...which makes me the train creeper!  hahaha!!

The fancy cars are constantly blowing freezing air on you...but if you feel the walls of the Cattle Car...



...you can find some toasty hotspots.  It's the best.



I know some other pretty nifty secrets, too.  I swear there is an abandoned grand piano sitting on the hill between the Draper and Thanksgiving Point stations.  No idea how it got there.

 
 One night I nearly missed my stop, and in my haste I left the Illusionarium manuscript w/the editor's feedback on the train.  Oops.  I guess some lucky train person got to read Illusionarium early!


...as well as everything that's wrong with it.

 My best train story though happened one freezing cold night last February.


The train had just pulled into the Provo station, like it always does, and I waited in the Cattle Car, like I always do, for it to reverse and head back to the Ogden station, which it always will.


I guess I must've been pretty into the story, because I didn't notice how the whole train had emptied and sat at the station for a good 40 minutes like that...

...until the lights went out.


...and the train s-l-o-w-l-y chugged out of the station.  In the wrong direction.


It stopped a while later, in the middle of an abandoned railyard...


...in the middle of nowhere.


I, um.  I wasn't quite sure what to do.


 Everyone was gone.


The door was locked, so I couldn't get out.


There wasn't anyone, or anything, that I could see outside the window.  Only the frozen railyard.

I decided that maybe I should just keep working until they put the train back at the station.





I had a good cry.

It didn't really help.*

*crying only helps if you do it in front of someone...dang it.

It also didn't help that I needed to go to the bathroom!

Desperation led me to do the one smart thing I'd thought of all night...look up the train's website online and call their customer service.


...which was closed.




We really don't need to see this.

I don't know how long I remained huddled in the cattle car...maybe an hour longer or so...before I somehow found the emergency number for the entire public transportation system...


A very nice lady assured me that someone would be there very soon.


Very, very soon.


At least within the next several hours. 




 



THEY FOUND ME!!!!!!!!



Hurrah!!


I was saved!!!




I followed them for what seemed like forever, out of the creepy lone railyard and back to the station, where another train would soon be headed north.



Needless to say, I was pretty darn happy I'd been rescued.


In fact it was probably the happiest day of my life.


In fact, I think I'll ride the train...forever! <3 <3 <3

FYI, this draft of Illusionarium turned out to be rather dark and violent.  I can't for the life of me figure out why.